It’s been a fast paced last few weeks. I made a low offer on the shop which was turned down. Meanwhile, a friend expressed an interest in using part of the (potential) premises for a related venture of their own. As it would compliment my own business perfectly and would ensure another line of revenue, it gave me the confidence to raise my offer which has since been provisionally accepted.
My initial feeling, far from elation, was one of being utterly overwhelmed. I felt numb and distracted by the enormity of what I had taken on. Above all, I began to worry about my children – when would I see them? This was supposed to be about achieving a balance in my life after all!
I felt slightly better the next day - calmer and the twinges of excitement began to kick back in. Then, by the following morning, I was just about back on track and enthusiastic about what had to be done.
Since then, I’ve continued to fluctuate between all of the above emotions. The desire to be with my children can be almost painful but, if I’m honest, refreshing. In the latter days before I started down this track with the shop, I found I was not appreciating them as much as I wanted to. At the end of a day of tantrums and hunger strikes I was throwing myself at my 7pm glass of wine and bed (and not necessarily in that order!) with more enthusiasm than I could sometimes muster for them. I felt so guilty.
The longing to then be with them, once I had taken on help, was so strong that it took great strength of mind to remind myself why I had done it in the first place – all I could think was how much I loved my kids and how great it would be if I could be with them all the time. And how guilty I felt.!
In my more rational moments I am sure that I will find a way to introduce more of the balance that I’ve set out to achieve. A wise friend pointed out that the anticipation of change can be much more daunting than change itself and, in the meantime, it’s now my kids that I’m wanting to throw myself at and that’s a good feeling.
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Hello, I'm new to this site found it through Google feeling frustrated at the governments efforts to help working mums. Just wanted to ask you Paula, what business are you planning on running? Excellent site by the way best wishes Natasha
natasha britton | Report this comment