Object in the bagging area

With unemployment figures in UK soaring to a record 17-year high, attention turns once again to George Osborne and what on earth he is going to do about it. From some important international relations meeting in Japan, he comes out with some guff which is just a long-winded way of saying 'actually, I have no idea what we are going to do about it.'

Now I am no expert on the economy or the Eurozone, but for once I don't think Mr Osborne can be entirely to blame for the rise. Nor really can the finger be pointed at immigration or the increased number of students entering, and older people remaining in, the workforce.

No the way I see it, the main culprit for more people than ever being out of work is obvious. It is those wretched self-service checkouts in supermarkets.

Go on, admit it -  at least once in the past week you will have been so pushed for time in your lunch-hour that you will have bypassed the old-fashioned cashier to use one of these infernal contraptions. It doesn't matter how much they annoy or baffle us, if there is more than one person in the 'basket only' line, we still find ourselves drawn to them. Because they'll be quick.

And yet they rarely are. Most visits you will allegedly place an unknown item in the bagging area and be forced to start again. Or a computer malfunction will lead you to requiring verification before you can purchase that bottle of white wine vinegar and it'll take the assistant ages to come over because they are doing that really inconsiderate thing of actually serving a customer instead of leaving them to interact with a machine.

They are infuriating, absolutely infuriating and in spite of this, we go back to them again and again, like battered wives returning to their abusive husbands.

In that way, my friend, we are all to blame for rising unemployment. In the Morrisons store near where I am working, there are six of these machines. Sainsbury's has six at the end nearest the door and another four at the far end of the shop which puts paid to the theory that they have been installed to make the shopping experience speedier. If you're darting in for a sandwich, you're not going to want to negotiate half the store to get to a checkout.

No, the only reason they're there is to save the supermarkets money. Big money. Six machines requires, in theory, five less people on duty at any one time. The number of people out of work, or not employed, because of them probably must run into thousands.

Not to mention they're a shoplifter's dream. For every Anthony Worrall Thompson caught, there are another ten getting away with chunks of Stilton from the deli that they have put through as carrots.

We have to put a stop to them. Inspired by Wikipedia's recent 24-hour blackout, I propose we take a stand by refusing to use these machines for a day, no matter how busy it gets at lunchtime. Imagine the chaos. It'll be like a supermarket pre, well, pre-2007. And anyone giving into temptation and heading to the self-service area with their chicken panini and bag of five doughnuts will be greeted by cries of  'scab.'

Maybe we should do something like this every week to get bosses to rethink their staffing policy. Labour-saving (or rather job-cutting) self-service machines are everywhere these days, not just in supermarkets. Though I sometimes use them, more often than not I will purposely queue to be seen by a real person. What is the point of doing something that will just put them out of a job? And how much nicer do you feel when you muster up a hello and a little small talk about the weather to the checkout person serving you?

If we don't act now, what sort of chance will our kids have of ever finding work? What must they think when we take them to the supermarket only to grapple with one of these machines instead of going up to a staff member and chatting to them? Society as a whole is in danger here, not just employment rates.

And don't get me started on what's happened to the old fellas who used to hand out the baskets. Took me ages to find one in Sainsbury's the other day. A basket, I mean.

Machines aren't completely the enemy here, cost-cutting and greed are. A thriving economy requires people and people and machines should be able to co-exist happily in the working world. One shouldn't be encouraged to drive out the other.

We need to get this point across in some way, maybe even in our next lunch break. Provided the queues in the supermarket aren't too long, that is.