Feeling microstressed?

Speak to any coaches and they will tell you that there are a lot of people out there who look seemingly successful, but are teetering on the brink. It’s not so much one big thing that is the cause, but a build up of smaller things, what a new book calls microstresses. The book, The Microstress Effect by Rob Cross and Karen Dillon, explores the impact of microstresses and how we can address them in the workplace. 

It starts from a survey of ‘higher performing’ individuals. The authors note that many were “powder kegs of stress”. Interviewing them in depth, many broke down in tears and said that they were barely coping. “What became clear as we talked is that it was never one big thing that led people to feel overwhelmed,” say the authors. “Rather, the relentless accumulation of unnoticed small stressed in passing moments is what was drastically affecting the well-being of these people who otherwise appeared to have it all.”

They explore this cumulative ripple effect and the layers of emotional complications microstresses contribute to. They note that pushing back on just two or three of these can make a big difference to people’s lives.

A crisis of well-being

The book outlines the problem – which it calls “a crisis of well-being”: people being pulled in multiple directions, causing them to have to sacrifice personal commitments on a regular basis and damaging their relationships, leading to neglect of physical health, a loss of interest in things the person once loved doing and a shrinking friendship group, with a negative impact on the person’s sense of identity.

People feel they can’t keep up, say the authors. They identify several main causes of microstress, from inefficient communication, misaligned roles and unpredictable bosses to surges in responsibilities. People can only push back on these once they understand both what their microstresses are and the toll they are taking, say the authors.

They go through all the main microstresses with advice on how to address them, for instance, for addressing small performance misses they suggest establishing regular check-ins to catch any problems early. For addressing unpredictable bosses, they offer tips on managing your own emotions and understanding the way your boss is thinking. For inefficient communications practices – such as feeling you have to respond instantly to all communications which means you don’t get much done and have to work late, with an impact on your family life – they suggest paying attention to your own communication patterns and pruning them as well as your collaborative obligations. And for mounting responsibilities, they suggest an honest conversation on what can be taken off your plate if more is added.

It’s not just tasks that are the problem. Colleagues can often add to the stresses people face and drain individuals.  Even removing a few negative relationships, or reducing interaction with those people, can make a significant difference, say the authors. They list a series of strategies for handling the microstress imposed by other people as well as the microstress caused by not being able to be yourself at work or having to hide part of your identity. This can also include challenges to your personal values. Again there are suggestions on how to handle such difficulties, which start with being aware of their nature and impact and can extend to engaging with the person causing the stress to understand their perspective and to manage them as well as tips on how to reduce tension through creating ground rules for interactions. The authors say such strategies can also apply to stressful family dynamics.

The ten percenters

A significant part of the book is given over the the ten percenters – high performers who have been able to manage their microstresses and live rich, multidimensional lives. What can we learn from them, it asks? Firstly, having a multidimensional life may lessen the impact of microstresses in any one area, say the authors, as can having a diversity of connections and leaning into small moments of positive connection with others.  Again, it is about being able to identify where the microstresses are coming from and then to reduce two or three, such as by doing small things like turning off Slack notifications at 6pm.

The message of the book is about taking back control in some sense. The authors say we tend to think of resilience as something innate, but in fact it is about the support you can draw on in difficult times from the networks you create – the people who can help you see a path forward and put things into perspective or provide practical help. The kindred spirits who can help you laugh at yourself and the situation – a much underrated resilience tool. Developing and maintaining that network is vital, says the book, and that means prioritising non-negotiable time for it.  In short, friends matter and you need to work on keeping them. It is perhaps a sign of how over-busy, isolated and lonely our lives have become that we need to be told to make time for supportive friends.

The book ends with  the holy grail of the current moment – finding your purpose. Ten percenters are good at seizing opportunities, finding purpose multipliers – for instance, choosing an activity that fuels purpose in multiple ways, and finding purpose in small moments such as a weekly music class.

The book concludes that, to address microstresses you need to think small – identify and remove just some of the stresses of everyday life. The happiest people have deliberately built and maintained rich, multidimensional lives, say the authors, through deflecting and eliminating key microstresses. 

They say: “There is a palpable crisis of well-being today. But there’s also a powerful solution. Eliminate some microstresses in your life, and look for micromoments of authentic connections with others that will add new dimensions to your life. The reality is, we’ve never had more ability to shape what we do and whom we do it with. Start by thinking small.”

*The Microstress Effect: how little things pile up and create big problems – and what to do about it by Rob Cross and Karen Dillon, is published this week by Harvard Business Review Press, price 22 pounds.

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