I have been withholding a bit of information from this blog. All is remedied now.
Well, it’s been an eventful few days. I finally told everyone at work the news that I can now share on the blog – I am pregnant. It was a bit of a shock, although, of course, I kind of know how these things work. I had more or less thought I was entering the menopause, but there you go. Life is full of surprises.
After a lot of careful thinking and weighing up of everything, from health risks to money risks, we are steamrollering ahead. The girls are ecstatic and volunteering to help. Rebel daughter says she will get up extra early so she can get dressed and look after the baby while I am getting everyone else ready for school. I am trying to calculate just how little maternity pay I will get this time round and how little time off I can take since I have no permanent job as I did the last times, but I think we can survive.
People’s reactions have been interesting, to say the least. Lots of people seem to have an opinion on this one – having four children and being over 40. I have felt a bit like some sort of freak show. But some people have been very understanding about how difficult a decision it has been and others welcome large families, even if it is bad for the environment.
I guess some people would look at our three lovely girls and think you should count yourself lucky and consider the impact on them. But for me, looking at them and thinking what I would feel like if one of them was not there was simply too difficult and their reaction was so very joyful at the prospect of another sibling, so full of hope, that, although I know this is because they don’t really understand the reality of the whole thing, I could not but feel that in fact this is a Good Thing and not some epic tragedy, particularly when placed against all the bad things that are happening all around.
I am having all possible tests – in fact, I have just had the nuchal fold scan and it went well. The one thing I can’t do is take it easy so I have been feeling incredibly sick and tired. I can no longer do late-night work catch-ups. I fall into a deep sleep at around 10pm, but I am hoping for a sudden burst of energy some time soon. I’m not counting on it though. I have just got everyone to bed after bonkers daughter’s emotional collapse at the news Danyl is out – and after singing her favourite song, Man in the Mirror. I think she is totally exhausted by the entire X-Factor drama. I know how she feels.