Tormenting the GPS

We did a trial run of my partner’s new GPS gizmo. To a place we knew and tormented her by taking all the back streets.

I am sitting listening to Alvin and the Chipmunks’ version of Spin me right round with two small people dancing their socks off. It is the perfect way to avoid doing homework. Rebel daughter, however, is trying in the midst of all the high-pitched squealing [from the chipmunks] to do number sequences. I am building up to reading comprehension with bonkers daughter. I don’t quite feel up to it yet.

We have just come back from a session at Toys R Us where we went to spend some xmas money. I have tried to explain the concept of saving to the smallest members of the family and they have totally ignored me. My partner decided to experiment en route with the GPS he got for xmas. “In 500 yards, take the second exit,” the GPS woman intoned, followed soon after by “in 200 yards take the second exit” then “in 100 yards take the second exit” and finally “take the second exit [or else]”. We know our way to the nearest shopping centre and took the short cuts. The GPS seemed very unimpressed that we kept ignoring her sound advice. We ended up in a car park where the GPS went into overdrive as we searching for a parking place. “At the roundabout, take the fourth exit,” she said, increasingly panicked. I am sure she will come into her own when we actually go somewhere we don’t know.
On Saturday night we also gave her a trial run. She was determined we take the motorway to London. We preferred the scenic route. Every five minutes she told us to turn right and head for the motorway. I expected to see smoke emerging at some point. We were on a very rare night out, mainly because we currently doubt our ability to stay awake past 10pm. I attempted a nap in the afternoon in preparation. It’s a bit like going out jogging every day before a marathon. You have to build up to it. This was slightly hampered by bonkers daughter who insisted on pressing her head against mine and kissing my nose while commenting yet again on the massive size of my body. The nap strategy, however, seemed to work. I managed not only to stay awake for a film, Up in the Air [not as bad as I had anticipated, despite my being singularly unimpressed by why everyone raves about George Clooney], but to continue alert for a meal afterwards.

We predicted that bonkers daughter would be up at dawn the next day to go to Toys R Us, but, as is often the case, our prediction was only 50% accurate. We did get woken up early, but it was by big girl daughter who was hungry. This is the worst type of wake-up call as you cannot just pull the blanket over your head and say you are playing a sleeping game. It clearly involves one adult at some point in the very near future going downstairs and getting some food. With three children, the odds of sleeping in are fairly remote. Roll on the fourth one.

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