It is important here to work out exactly what your feelings are towards your husband. Do you, for example, feel resentment because you are doing the lion’s share of the childcare arrangements and he is getting more time off outside of work. Do you feel frustration at him as he doesn’t seem to appreciate all the ‘extras’ outside of work that you take responsibility for? It may even be jealousy as it has been assumed that his career is more important than yours? Do you feel he is being sexist in expecting you to take charge of the domestic jobs as well as working full-time? Do you feel you are treated equally at work but not at home?
– Don’t assume he knows exactly how you feel, or expect him to guess – what may seem obvious to you, may not have been correctly interpreted by him;
– Explain clearly and as unemotionally as possible how you feel and don’t bring blame into it – e.g. “I am finding that taking charge of all the domestic jobs after work is making me exhausted and I can see that our relationship is suffering”.
– Make a specific request of him – e.g. “The only way I can arrange childcare for the holidays is if you take responsibility for the food shopping and arrange the car’s MOT which runs out at the end of the month”. Don’t just say “I need more help”.
– Make sure if you ask him to help out, that you’re prepared for the possibility that he may do it differently to you – i.e. slower, not quite as well! Many mums fall into the trap of blaming their husbands for not helping enough, but don’t realise how much they then criticise them for not doing it ‘properly’.