Windows 10 meltdown


The other day only son downloaded Windows 10 onto my laptop by mistake. Big mistake. Everything is in apps and nothing is where I would expect it to be. I am not a fan of the app, mainly because I associate it with the cat thing only son downloaded that keeps miaowing at me to be stroked at inopportune moments. I know people swear by them, but I just want a common or garden computer that I can type on and which connects to the internet. Nothing fancy that makes you tea or organises your life. Just something that works. Maybe I am just too old for Windows 10.

I’ve since read reviews which say it “makes a lot of sense”. These are generally written by people who probably have the time to test it out properly.  Let me state for the record that this is not me and particularly not this week. I had earlier in the experience been contemplating writing to Microsoft to explain that I just don’t have the time for Windows 10. Except I didn’t have the time to figure out how you get hold of them.

By Wednesday, I needed to download a programme that used to work in Windows 8.1. This involved an elaborate list of steps because the programme did not support the Edge browser – Windows 10’s version of Internet Explorer. After some time, I got to the point where the programme appeared to be downloading. The computer asked me for my Microsoft password. I had just used it to get into the computer so I entered it. “The computer does not recognise this password”, it stated. I tried it several times. I then decided to change it to see if that made a difference.  “The computer does not recognise this password,” it repeated. But I needed to download the programme to do my job. NOW.

Time passed. I found a chat forum where people had the same problem, but no-one appeared to offer any useful solution. I think I may have started sobbing at some point. Then I had a brainwave. Maybe I could eliminate Windows 10 – after all, machines are not quite in control yet. I searched up “I hate Windows 10”. Lo, there was some chatroom saying you can return it to Windows 8 if you do it within 30 days of downloading it. I hit return to Windows 8. Like magic, all the apps disappeared and my old desktop came up. I could have hugged it.

I have told all children about Windows 10 and that under no circumstances should they ever even contemplate downloading it, even if it asks every single day.

My partner is away at the moment so when he rang in the evening he asked cheerily if I had had a good day. Not quite as good as his, I think. He’s in Barcelona. Plus he made the mistake of calling at bedtime. We were running slightly late because Tesco delivered at 8pm and daughter three had waited for it to make some sort of chicken surprise involving putting a plastic bag in the oven. My partner normally bans access to the kitchen for small people after 6.30pm, but he’s not here so we’re living dangerously.

Only son had been to a party and was chasing daughter two around with a shield and a sword, screaming loudly. Daughter two was covered in paint – she’s been painting her furniture white to “make my room look bigger” and there was a suspicious bucket of bleach in a corner full of clothes which I decided it was best to ignore. Daughter one was freaking out about simultaneous equations.

All in all, it was not a peaceful moment to call. My partner wanted to find out how physics went. Daughter one didn’t really want to talk about it. She was looking up comments on it on Twitter, laughing slightly hysterically and requesting cinnamon rolls. I told her that at least it was over. “I’m not even halfway, mum,” she said. “And don’t talk about the GCSEs.”

*Mum on the run is Mandy Garner, editor of Picture credit: Wikipedia.

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