Only son has got a starring role in the xmas play. At least that’s what his teacher told me the other day at school pick-up. “Well done,” I said. “I’m going to be a talking donkey and everyone will laugh at me,” said only son disconsolately. I have spent the last few days bigging up donkeys in general and trying to get him to watch Shrek. I’m starting to get slightly worried about the costume already. My normal costume strategy is basically adaptations on a sheet eg Victorian day – sheet wrapped around dress as an apron; Roman day – short sheet as toga; Medieval day – long sheet with rope belt; ghost – sheet, no accessories. You get the picture. I’m not sure how to adapt a sheet to a donkey costume, but I’m working on it.
Only son decided that he had not got the worst deal. Apparently the poor soul who is playing Joseph has to be kissed by a girl. A talking donkey is definitely a step up. It’s a shame the script, Midwife crisis – it sounds a classic of the xmas play genre and I can hardly wait – has no elements of history in it. Only son has taken to history of late, but is grappling with the idea of things that happened 100s of years ago, which to him is basically yesterday. That means all the horrible things that he is learning about are fairly recent and quite worrying. I haven’t let him watch today’s news yet. It could tip him over the edge.
Daughter two lives in her own slightly surreal world. She had a bad dream about Kim Kardashian advertising lip balm endlessly the other night. “Nightmare?” I inquired. “Definitely,” said daughter two.
Daughter one, who ditched history because she only got to study 20th century British history when she was interested in something a bit more international, is preparing for a school trip. This involves multiple forms to be filled in and signed by a parent. She handed me a sheaf to sign. On the top of one it said “Pets”. She had simply put “none”. The cat is still missing and everyone is coming to terms with the fact that he is probably not coming back.
Daughter three, meanwhile, has been planning some sleepover extravaganza at a friend’s house. Unfortunately, the friend’s mother didn’t know about the sleepover element. “Is your daughter keen on sleepovers?” she asked out of interest. Keen? This is the girl who has a library of books on sleepovers, did a Youtube tutorial on sleepovers and created her own Sleepover Tips website. I told daughter three that the sleepover was off. I could see the cogs of her brain whirring. Daughter three likes a project. I await the next one with interest.
*Mum on the run is Mandy Garner, editor of Workingmums.co.uk.